The Change

There’s a sound coming from the west. I’ve heard it since my younger years. I’ve heard it sing to me, the sounds of those forgotten traits that people used to have. I want this to be a brand new start now and the leave the pantomimes behind. Maybe the cause of everything was me, hiding in my box.

Age makes you wiser they say but it hasn’t done me good. Silver linings have made me beat about the bush and metaphors of wisdom have led me to despair. Dreaming of sailing through stars and rainbows of light that would maybe touch my soul in a way I could not imagine. I’ll leave in two days maybe. Reminiscent about the things I might find. Find myself a new calling maybe and learn to weave different patterns with my hands and pass them into the sea like messages in bottles.

So let the change begin.




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2 responses to “The Change

  1. C.MerC3R

    Alright, you certainly changed the mood AND the stereotypical “backdrop” that you’ve hanged up in your previous(most of) writings. Good.

    As a individual, I really can’t materialize your new theme with ease. Although by the 2nd paragraph(Dreams of sailing..) theres is a hint of structure. The whole text does seem a little mashed up and this looks alot like a- find your own meaning type prose. Well, thats all good but it still out of focus. There is no focal point in this writing, and one can’t create pace or any serious higher emotion with this length of writing. What I’m saying is that- this is blurry, everything about it is.

    Going full circle I do like this phrase: “Dreaming of sailing through stars and rainbows of light that would maybe touch my soul in a way I could not imagine.”
    The problem is- I had to go over the whole thing several times to hang on to it. It just doesn’t materialize. That amazing beauty you are trying to convey isn’t getting through.

    “phantom presence freezing the warm air.” – Even that is really great if you slow down and try to form an image of it. Thinking about it looks like we’ve got way too many images here.

    You see, when a writing and a reader are connected its not the words that the reader reads- the reader sees the images that the writing thinks up its like watching a movie in your head. Ofcourse it differs with every reader and even more with “find your own meaning type prose”(I’m sure theres a word for it(lol)). For example Fan-fics of other media converted into writing even have the added advantage of background music/sounds and character voices. My point is that when you connect your writing with the readers you’ve overloaded your connection. Yes.

    Fortunately you HAVE come out of your box but this time, this “box” is a little too big. Otherwise, great job- I want to read more of your new style and where this is going to take your overall style too. I really like how you’ve kept the overall mood and sadness and tragedy style intact.

    And I guess its harder to pick out whats right I guess(not that that’s a bad thing). I’m also sorry if I haven’t gone into the normal depth of investigation I have done on previous occasions- haven’t played critic in awhile.
    AND OMG “forgotten traits that people used to have” reminds me of ponies and their cutie marks with show what their special talent(and trait) is!!!

  2. hey thx for the comments…really gave me some stuff to think of. Some i agree some maybe not. But i really appreciate your comments. I guess i’ll be constantly looking for perfection.

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