Hopefully I won’t regret writing this in the morning.
I’ve realised I will always feel lonely.
Even during times when I’m surrounded by all my closest friends, I know I am going to feel that aching sensation of there being too much air around me. Something always feels missing to me. It’s no one’s fault, really. It’s just a feeling I am probably going to have all my life. Trying to explain it to myself has often left me frustrated so I’ve decided to stop and try to live with it instead.
I turn 21 today and I can only hope that the years ahead will be kind as they can be. I’m not sure why I’m talking about this, this feeling, when I’m turning an age where there should be greater and far more important worries on my mind but there’s a strangeness in me that keeps me up at night and urges these incredibly ineffectual fingers to write down these thoughts I carry whilst slowly glancing across to a film I have now probably seen close to a hundred times.
It’s not all bad though. Sometimes, I do welcome this feeling of alonenesss like now where the words come swift and clear, to myself at the very least.