Something I jotted down a few days ago… The way I see it we always try too hard to make sense of some things and it loses it’s awe when we do. This post is about something like that and me just randomly rambling 🙂 Hope you like it.
Reaching out to the people you want to be with can be so difficult. But you care so much that eventually you find a way. The feeling that comes with it can be difficult to describe but that makes it so much more beautiful.
I like how we can’t actually describe things and the mysteries surrounding us makes everything just so priceless and you can just love every moment of it. It’s like we’re all floating around in this cloud of ethereal sound that fills up our ears and no one’s quite sure what’s going on and what’s being said but we’re all here together just sharing the moment of beauty. Feels like everything‘s been drawn out on this amazing painting where these moments occur where the brush strokes cross.
I like this canvas we’ve been painted on. It’s full of colour and radiance even if the paper’s worn out a bit.
This post is actually less about the Great Man and more about my friend Madhumita or “mbthecool19” who unfortunately is not in the best state she can be. This is for you mbthecool19, a loyal Federer fan. Keep fighting.
Remember those times we were up so late?
Those headaches and torments that went through our heads as we watched the Great Man play his best. How we constantly wrecked our heads in frustration in those tense moments where heart ache was certain.
And then you grew quiet and I wondered so. Where had you gone? This is not like you.
The Great Man played but where were your words? Those magical things that describe those moments. Through ups and downs the Great Man played. And through ups and downs your words had spoken.
And when you came back you said things were different. You were damaged goods and time uncertain. But I know you’ll fight like the Great Man did. I know you’re strong like the Great Man is. And now he’s fulfilled your final wish.
You’re not gone yet so I hope and pray. Pray that you’ll be there to see the Great Man’s end.
This just feels too good to be an accident and I don’t want to feel that way. I want to feel purposeful and not just be here for sake’s. I don’t want to feel lucky, I want to feel thankful. I don’t want to feel common. I want to be one of a kind. I don’t want to be part of probability but instead feel like we were meant to be. I want gifts not chances. I want to be part of a plan. I want to live and not just react.
I want this to be beautiful. And it is.
This post is special ’cause i think i’ll always remember the moment i wrote it. It’s another one of those little ones that i happen to come up with after a moment has passed. This is for anyone out there who needs it 🙂
We’ve all been there haven’t we? Just looking up at the stars or just hiding under pillows and blankets, lying there trying to make sense of something. I’m under my sheet right now, writing this…and it’s getting harder to do now ‘cause it’s finally caught up to me, this pain that we’re all trying to get away from. It’s dragging me down and ripping at my chest. God I hate that feeling.
I think you know this feeling? Can you feel it too?
We’re all so different yet we’re all just the same.
Broken, confused & lost.
Alright so it’s 2 am and i just had to get this written before i totally forgot about it. I have no clue where this came from and i’m finding it pretty difficult to introduce it to you… Maybe i should just let you read it and just make your own meaning of it.
We’re always trying to open doors…we can’t help it really. People keep building walls around themselves and you always run into them now and then. It’s like this whole universe we live in is made up of them and the foundations just go deep into the nothingness but we don’t really care about that. Why should we? But there are the doors. Some are open, some closed, while some walls just don’t have them cause the people who built them just don’t want to let us in. Some doors are always open and they are the equivalent to the doors of your house where you can choose to enter or leave at anytime you want and the walls they are attached to are the ones built by those closest to you and you won’t even feel them there and almost seems like we are passing though them.
To me the walls with no doors are made by people who are lost and have built around themselves and purposefully forgotten to include a way of getting in or out. It’s maddening to think of living like that.
But sometimes we come across walls with doors which don’t open and trying to figure out why it’s closed makes you feel absolutely ridiculous as there could be a million different reasons why. But when you do open them…it’s just amazing and you could stumble onto the most amazing person you’ve ever met and it’s another piece of the universe you can have for yourself. Now that’s a door worth opening.
Hey just writing this to put things in perspective for myself and maybe for you, if you’re interested. So much tends to happen within the space of a few moments that we often miss out on a lot of things and I’ve always kicked myself for missing out on things like that and sometimes I often find myself pondering about exactly what I have missed out on…even though I have no clue what it is or could have been. A favourite quote of mine sums up this feeling is “I spend too much time wondering what was and what might be that I always miss out on what going on right now. But what’s going on right now right here is so amazing that I don’t want to miss it tonight”. I feel like that a lot sometimes and although I think it happens to a lesser extent now I still feel that I don’t live in the moment enough.
Recently I’ve been writing stuff that’s been different and they’re more to do with other people rather than myself and I’ve actually tried putting myself in “other peoples’ shoes” to try and imagine what they might be going through and to just say things as the way I see it. I don’t care if it sounds too judgemental, it’s like I said before, I write what I observe. “Let Go” is a post I hate because it’s probably the most dishonest of all my writing that I have posted on here. But that’s another story and a pretty boring one so I won’t share.
I lose my way a lot sometimes and I easily zone out or my mind just fades away sometimes and I find myself staring at some poor unfortunate person who happens to be in my line of vision at that time. I don’t really understand what happens in those moments… Maybe it’s just my brain getting tired or entering sleep mode when it doesn’t exactly have much to do.
Something that intrigues me is how we look at things at different points in our lives. Something looks so important and consequential to us but looking back at things now it’s the exact opposite of that. Well I guess that just how life works and you learn from what you’ve seen…and then you make a whole bunch of new mistakes 😀 which is good if you think about it as you expect the pattern to continue and soon in the nearby future you will see it as unimportant and boring…maybe.
I don’t exactly know why I am writing this…maybe it’s because I am trying to study the hopelessness that is chemistry. Well anyway this post is about letting go. And if you are reading this and you feel like this is about you then don’t worry, you’re probably wrong 😛
I’m wandering off again. Away from the neon lights and the noise of the crowds dancing in their iridescent glow. I hate the noise, the constant buzz of people saying useless things to each other. You’re a bit like that actually, something I am trying to get away from. Maybe it’s the way you speak that does it. Or maybe it’s that annoyingly smug grin of yours that I hate so much. Reminds me of those lights. They hurt my eyes whenever I am near them.
But these things would all go away if I could just let go. Just let go and wander off like I’m doing now. Let go of these things that are so frustrating and yet so beautiful to others. It makes me laugh to know that I think this way. There is a certain craziness to it. Maybe I’ll probably come back to this again someday or maybe I won’t. But it doesn’t really matter…’cause at this moment I’ve already started walking away.
Growing up in a land of Gods isn’t easy.
A place where you strive to belong and try to impress those with coloured eyes. You wish to be one of them someday and then gaze upon countless others trying to break free from their shackles, so they can reach their brushes and paint theirs as well. Allowing the soft bristles to rub against their dark eyelids, turning them into flickering rainbows.
I’ve heard the stories.
I’ve heard of something called happiness…It comes once you’ve painted your eyes.
That is what they say.
That is what I’ve heard.
The road to paradise is long and weary…
Filled with twists and turns that manifest into smooth highways or the ragged dirt roads. And you find yourself off the beaten path. And then you stop. You take a breather. You watch as the dust settles and the cold sweat drips down from your forehead and marks the scorched earth. You look ahead.
You watch as the dust settles.
You watch as the pale horizon brightens.
You watch as the life flows back into you.
And as the horizon becomes clear again, it reminds you of why you struggle, why you persist. The reasons that have stuck to your mind and encouraged you to push harder. The reason you started, the reason you are continuing, the reason you are not going to stop…
We’ve all been there. We’ve all been back again. Pushing ourselves for others, and dragging our cracked heels across the dusty cracks in our life.