23.

So I turn 23 today, apparently.

It’s been a few years since I’ve written one of these self reflective pieces so I think I’ll give it a go this year.

Where am I at? I’m not quite sure. I remember saying something similar last time I wrote one of these. I wonder if it means I’ve not made any progress. I feel that much has changed but in such a way that nothing seems to have. I feel calm tonight and not even the sweltering heat of the Middle Eastern summer makes me feel restless. I’d like to think that this is due to song I’ve been listening to today.

It’s one that I saved to my playlist quite a while ago but today I decided to hear it again. It’s called “The Long Way” by this Irish band called The Coronas. I don’t know what it is about it but it’s the type of song that makes you feel nostalgic about the future. Is that even possible? When I listen to it I see myself, aged and grey, still trying my best to walk ahead of the people in front of me but I also see someone walking beside me. And somehow this memory, that doesn’t exist yet, transitions to a cool night where the wind is a temperature that’s kind to my skin and yours, whoever you are.

Maybe we’ll make a bonfire, who knows?

 

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Gospel

Apologies for the time away. 

What is it that you whisper in my ear,

As we lie underneath these sheets,

This is yet another dream, I fear.

One where I know when I awake,

I’ll have dried tears running down my face,

And you’ll fade into the faintest memory.

So while we’re here in this world of white and softness,

Let me lean in close and hear you say something softer.

For your words are Gospel

And although you’ll not witness me kneeling,

I’ll still bury my face in your neck.

And really, that’s worship just the same.

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Star Stealer

Not sure where this came from. Maybe a dream. Maybe my imagination. But it’s here now.

Dear, you’ve stolen all the stars in the sky,
You’ve draped it in a veil.
As I look to heaven all I see is the ink you’ve spilled

But if only I could utter
A single sentence or phrase
Of a promise I once made.
For you, star stealer, I’d scream it
Out into wind
So jackals would prick their ears up
And hear of the promise I had made.

I’d said stay with me forever,
I’ll give all my time to you.
For you I’d move the mountains
Even an ocean or two.
As forever stood before us
I heard the sirens ring
A fire it had risen
And set a lit your bed.

And then you were burning too
Your shape turned into smoke
It rose and blotted out the sky
And every star as well.

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Storms & Lies

She was there that day,

Waiting for the rain to let up

And let them on their way.

Not only did it refuse to stop,

But all the clouds grew darker,

And the rain grew fierce with rage.

The child gripping at her coat

Tugged at it to get her attention.

She looked down and saw his eyes

Reflecting the stormy sky.

She wonder what she could say

To make him feel at ease,

And thus she uttered an easy lie.

“We’ll be home soon enough”.

And just as those words were said

A fork of lightning lit up over their heads,

The trees shuddered

And so did they.

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Fantasy

You smell of fantasy,

like a book so old

that the dust on its surface

pollinates my skin.

And as I let myself

breathe all of you in,

I think of all the words you’ve uttered,

Every umm, snicker,

And lost train of thought.

My mind wanders the rails

They came off

and as I place my ear against

the cold bare metal,

I swear I hear the echoes.

I can’t help

but have such thoughts

blossom in my mind,

For whenever you are near

I am always so restless.

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A Vision of You (II)

As I collapse

Into yet another dream

Of you,

my eyes can barely

Keep themselves closed,

I only know this once I am awoken

For in the dream,

Nothing distracts me but you

I am unaware of anything but you

And I cannot lie but say

That even after awaking

And cursing my eyes for their failure

It is you that still occupies my thoughts.

I reason with myself

That my eyes only open

In fear that I might follow you

In my dreams forever

And never awaken again.

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I.D. ~ For feelings.js

I feel like an identity,
A strange but concrete entity.
One that can dream dreams
And nightmares as well.
But the kind that loses itself,
When so close to being found.
But let it be known
As all my inhibitions unfold,
That this too is just a mask,
And this feeling of singularity
Well, it’s just not meant to last.
And just as the many sunsets go,
My mind too will sink once more.

This little poem is quite special in that it was inspired by the words generated by the bot @feelings.js created by wonderfully creative  @katierosepipkin. I’ve only recently been delving into the world of twitter bots and found out just how poetic they can be. ^_^

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Torn Edges

As pieces of me

Lie shredded

against the banks

of the past,

I look at myself

In a reflection

And wonder how much

Of the old me is left.

How much am I leaving behind,

What’s going to patch up

these torn edges?

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Ode to Soul Savers

You are a gift
To my soul,
For you water it
With an essence
That only spills
From your lips.
You shimmer it
With a light
That doesn’t cast
A shadow,
And yet
leaves others
and myself feeling
Just as safe
As if we were hiding
In the shade.

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A Vision of You (I)

There you are again,

As I find myself back pedaling

Whilst you are turned aside.

We are heading

In separate directions,

Away from the end of something special

Well, maybe just for me.

But this is not the end,

I say it in my head

And politely ask it of you

In my imaginary voice.

You must be someone

Who’s come from above,

For as I thought this prayer

I swear you could hear it.

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